This. Year.

This year; This crazy, wild, often dark year. 

It’s so easy to sum it up like that – To write it off. But, for me, that would be an injustice to 2020. 

The thing about darkness is, we could never really see or appreciate the light without it. So while this may have been a year of darkness, for me, it only helped illuminate the moments of pure light within it.

If you had told me at this time last year the way that this past year would go – I would have never believed you. I don’t think any of us could have predicted it. 

This time last year, Sean and I were busy packing to move into our new home, in the suburbs – Together. I never could have imagined that the dining room of this home would turn into my makeshift office before we even had a chance to buy a dining room table. 

I never could have imagined that our house-warming party would be the last time we would gather with so many of our loved ones in one room.

When I left my office in a hurry on March 12th, I had no idea my time working from home would be so indefinite. I think we were all naive in that sense – Thinking this all would “go away” in a month or so.

Yet here we still are.

For me, the greatest challenge came in those first months.

I’m a social person by nature, and as much as I’m dually a homebody, I genuinely need a balance of both in my life. But that, for me, was something I discovered this year.

This year; This crazy, wild, often dark year. 

This year taught me more about myself than I have learnt in the last decade. Perhaps longer.

The first months were so filled with trying to get by – With navigating the normal in all sorts of ways. And above all – Navigating it as someone who is “high risk” and the mental weight alone that that holds.

Those first months were filled with emotions. Filled with time spent learning to continue in an isolated world. There were moments that were difficult – Learning how to spend 24/7 with one person – Even someone you love so much, it IS a challenge. I don’t think enough people are willing to admit that.

Those first months were something to push through because, in the end, they paved the way for so many moments of joy.

Once I shifted my thinking to see this year as a massive opportunity for personal growth, reflection and development. As an opportunity to strengthen all my relationships. It all just clicked.

There have been numerous living room dance parties, countless FaceTime calls with friends, social distanced visits with family. Phone calls and messages. 

The pandemic pushed me to connect, perhaps more than I had done before. It reminded me of the importance of the human connection, and the moments we share with those we love. That despite it all, these connections survive – That we carry on, perhaps even more deeply than before.

And carry on – I did. 

I’ve done all of the things that I would constantly say I didn’t have time for. When, looking back, I fully did – I just never made these things a priority. 

I’ve gotten so deeply reacquainted with my creative side – I’ve learned to bake, picked up drawing again, and got back in touch with making arts and crafts. Creativity that is for me, and not just for work. 

I’ve felt so fulfilled this year. Perhaps more than ever.

This year; This crazy, wild, often dark year. 

This year brought some of the happiest life moments with it as well. Milestones that, though we missed celebrating in person, were celebrated so dearly from afar.

We had friends get engaged, friends who’s babies celebrated their first year, and the birth of many others – Including a sweet new nephew. 

And to top it all off, on November 28th, by the light of our Christmas tree, in our home, filled with our memories, and all our love – Sean asked me to marry him. And we shared the moment, from afar, as we do these days, but just as deeply as always – With all those we love.

This year; This crazy, wild, often dark year. 

This year gave me everything I have ever wanted and then some.

If you had asked me to predict it, I couldn’t have. 

If you had told me on March 13th that I would end the year this happy – That the tears shed from confusion and sadness of mourning what we lost out on would turn into tears, and puffy eyes, swollen full of happiness – I wouldn’t have believed you.

This year; This crazy, wild, emotional, creative, fulfilling year. This rollercoaster of a year.

This year that we got through, apart – Together. 

This year that I will never forget.

This year of darkness.

This year of light.

This. Year.

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